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... things keep going.

Not that much to tell, to be honest. I'm still doing my best to hold it together - thankfully my initial psych evaluation is on Wednesday - seems I'm going to be there for around three hours. I hope they hit me with the full array of tests, questionnaires and whatever else is handed someone trying to recollect the pieces of the shell around his psyche and glue it back together. Hell, stick me in front of a panel of shrinks, stick probes in my prefrontal if necessary, drop me in a tank of rabid crocodiles... right? I'm up for the whole enchilada if they'll grant it - I hope they do. I just don't know what to expect for three hours but I know I need the help and I'll do almost anything to get it.

It marginally helps that I'm swimming in a fog of painkillers right now. It doesn't help my memory (when I'm trying to argue that Transformers didn't suck as bad as it apparently did...?) or my moods, much, since painkillers in many cases end up being depressants. It feels a bit like trying to carry someone on your back while treading water, if you've never experienced being drugged up while dealing with psych issues.

I've never shied away from hard work (I can dig a ditch with the best of them) but there is a lot here to sort and it seems like too damned much sometimes.

So, why post all the "drama?" Mostly to keep up with the people who are actually reading my Journal (say something, guys!) and let them know that I haven't completely disappeared, I'm just spending an inordinate amount of time right now looking inward, doing what I can in the meantime to improve (which feels a little like cleaning a really dirty room - you make a path to walk through, first) and stop making life harder on my family. That means something has to give and, well, family first.

Anyway, thanks for reading If you believe that positive thoughts or prayer works for strangers (or stranger-than-mosts, as my dad would say) and you're feeling generous, my Muse and family could use them please. Me, too, if you really want to be big-hearted

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